Sex dating in Holmes

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Not registered? Register here. We morph into our sexual selves by internalising any and all of the information about sex around us. I, like many women, had internalised some pretty disempowering stuff when it came to sex. It taught me that my body was there for men, not for me. You were there for the bloke to have fun with. And then we get to online porn. This is where I learned to perfect the uncomfortable performance bit.

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Sex was something that was done to you. Pounding penetration in different positions, and you had to pretend to enjoy it. Yet these were just the more explicit images of female sexuality that were influencing me. There were words, too. You heard the word slut for all of the above. History, literature and theatre tells you tale upon tale of the sexual women being damned, spurned and murdered. But all the versions of female sexuality presented to me had been created by men.

If sex feels like an unwinnable game for women, it is because men have been making up the rules for thousands of years. You know you are done for when holy men write holy scriptures that advocate stoning women to death and when laws of the land say men can rape their wives.

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Think about your ancestral line of women: your grandmother, her mother, going back and back and imagine what these women will have been through. We have a duty to them and to the women coming after us to empower ourselves sexually. How do you go about unlearning these damaging beliefs around female sexuality? Here are my rules. My personal journey was cringe-making and hilarious at times, at others deeply moving, but it led me to knowing myself and being able to be so much braver in the world.

Good luck with your own sexual revolution. ES Money. The Escapist. The Reveller.

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The Optimist. ES Best. ES Mag. Follow us:. Password Please enter a valid password. Submit Submit. By Lucy-Anne Holmes.

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W e become what we see. Never say you hate this or hate that. Touch your body tenderly. Healing can occur when we do this. Tender touch on your vulva and vagina can be cathartic, often causing tears. Explore your own pleasure. The female body is capable of incredible orgasmic sensations. Take your time and discover what works for you. Practise asking for what you want with lovers.

Keep practising.

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Take a School of Consent workshop or check out their resources online. Know that you deserve pleasure. Think about your personal sexual story, how you got to where you are, whether you are experiencing your sexuality as you would like to now, and if there is anything you would like to change or explore. Learn new ways.

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Read a book, do an online course, go to workshops. An introduction to tantra or intimacy workshop is a good place to start. Never criticise a woman for being sexual. It is like throwing a rock.

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Know that if we are not able to be free sexually, we are not really free.

Sex dating in Holmes

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Lucy-Anne Holmes asked 51 women what they think about during sex and here’s what she learned